Dog Hair in My Dinner...PLUS a BONUS "Are you kidding me" moment

I have a dog. I have a hairy, furry, amazing Golden Retriever dog. She has a few strange habits but the one that makes me say "are you kidding me?" is the one where she waits until I sit down with my plate of dinner (usually on the sofa) and then she comes over to where I am and shakes (like dogs do when they are hosed down with water and can't wait to get the excess off...but of course she is completely dry). And through the air I see those pale blond strands of hair gravitating toward my plate as if I included magnets in my dinner recipies.
I just don't get it. She never shakes. Ever. Except every night when I sit down with my plate.
Sometimes I gag. Sometimes I completely lose my appetite. Either way, I just get pissed off and look at her and yell "No!" followed by, "SERIOUSLY?!"

Today was a double whammy.

Before the dog hair in my dinner incident, I almost flattened a cyclist on my way to work this morning. Now, I have had my fair share of cycling events so I am pretty familiar with bikes and what-not, but am still amazed at how clueless people can be (this is the understatement of the century). Okay, so the scenario is:
I am driving down a two-lane ONE WAY street people...keep that in mind..ONE WAY. On either side of this street are BIKE LANES. You know, those lanes made for bikes. I am driving down this one way street and, because I had not yet had my morning coffee, I realized something about this street was "off." It took me a moment to realize what, but after processing the "that can't be what I think it is" thought and then realizing it was, indeed, what I thought it was, I most definitely had to slam on the brakes (this is not an easy task on an 11-year old vehicle held together by Superglue). Practically careening into my grill (my literal grill, not my diamond encrusted dental one...I don't wear that to work) was a girl on a bike, doing Mach 3, in the middle of the street, going the opposite way of the one-way traffic.
Seriously?
Not only are you speeding on your bike. Not only are you going the wrong way down a one way street. Not only are you NOT using the bike lanes, but you are LITERALLY in the middle of the street and about to get up close and personal with "the beast." (That's my car, not me). After screeching the brakes, I have to refrain from flipping her off or yelling "Are you kidding me?!" at her because with my luck, the girl would have turned out to be my boss' sister or my preacher's daughter or some other person who has the ability to make my life as awkward as possible.
What are you kidding me?